My first epic ride

If I had any idea what I was going to be in for the Sunday before, I would've either tried pulling out, or complained about it the whole way. As it turned it out, I only really started complaining about it half way through, so it wasn't a total loss.

God, what's she going on about this time? It sounds painful. Well, yeah it was, but it was still a fucking amazing experience, even if it did piss me off at times. Sometimes it makes me wonder how I managed to get through it, considering that only a few weeks ago, I didn't even know how to ride a bike.

Now, my details are going to be a bit vague and sketchy and I might not have everything in sequence, since it’s been nearly two weeks, and since Vay was being annoyingly secretive about our whereabouts, even though I kept asking him where we were going or even just where we were for god’s sake. No, he just expected me to tag along, oh, yeah sure, like I do these rides all the time. “This is nothing”, Vay was still trying to convince me. Nothing my ass! But here goes:

I had just woken up and was still in my pyjamas when Vay comes over, annoyed that I hadn't turned on my phone, let alone gotten ready. Alright, calm down. Geez. It's 11 o'clock on a Sunday morning, you're lucky I'm up this early. I geared up and got ready in record time (even managing to eat a winner's bowl of congee for breakfast), and we left around 11:30.

Lisa: Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby.

Homer: Newsflash, Lisa, Bart is not a horse!

We coasted down to the local shops, (in my own area! – never had I imagined I’d actually ride a bike in these here parts, god it felt surreal) and landed near the bus transitway station. Vay’s friend Yara met up with us after taking a detour, on his own lah dee dah Avanti road bike. He’d already ridden a fair way himself to get to us, but we had to start somewhere, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to go where he was. Or was I? “Nice gloves” he said. Hee hee, I had no idea who Louis Garneau was, but I wasn’t going to let that on. “Oh, these old things? Why, I wear them all the time.” (They looked brand new).

Vay gave me a quick crash course on how to use my gears. I had these funny gears that I was supposed to switch when going up or down hills, as the need arises. It was all a bit confusing. I did try them out later though, but eventually stuck mainly to one setting.

Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.

We followed the dedicated cycleway, which was paved concrete. Little did I know (thanks to Vay), we were heading towards the reservoir and there was a point where we had to try to ride up this freaking massive incline (one of three big hills that I couldn't be bothered changing gears for), and I just got off and walked my bike up. I ride for leisure, damn it, I told Vay. I remember trying to catch up to the others, and losing my grip on the brakes, and just kind of crashing over to one side. It wasn't bad though, I just didn't have a proper braking technique, or so I thought. And all Yara could say was, how's the bike? Well, I've fallen over in a heap, but Greeny's doing fine, thanks for asking, Yara. Geez, I'll give you how's the bike.

Anyway, the fun parts were riding through these big tunnel like things, I think they were water supply channels or something. It was like something out of Terminator 2, except that we were on bicycles. And we weren't being chased by a certain T-1000 in a fucking semitrailer. Alright, fine, so it was just me then. I loved just gliding through, I was surprised it was just us.

One of the most prettiest scenes was when we were cycling through these winding pathways in one of the parks, past people walkin' their dogs and mothers pushin' their prams, with the birds chirpin' and the breeze blowin' and the mosquitoes bitin', in the fadin' sunlight... I remember that one because there was a particularly curvy track, and there was a little bridge that went across a stream or something that we came to. Vay called out something to me about slowing down and getting off and walking if I needed to, as the bridge was quite narrow, and then he was speeding off ahead of me. Pfft, I thought. I can do this. That bridge doesn't look so narrow. What's he talking about? And then all of a sudden Greeny decided to slam into the side of it as I rounded the corner a wee bit too fast. Fucking FUCK! That's all I could say, really. I had to extract myself from Greeny as her front wheel and handlebars were caught between the bridge hand and knee rails. "Help me, hun", I whimpered, although it might have come out sounding like, "don't just stand there, ya bastard, get over here". Vay was looking on from afar, as if contemplating whether it was safe to approach. "Stop being a wuss" he was probably thinking, the bastard. He vaguely noticed I was in pain, and would probably get a massive bruise on my knee. (Which is still purple, TO THIS DAY). The crazy thing was, this time I was actually worried about Greeny. I thought that her wheels weren't turning properly. Yara's comment echoed in my mind..."How's the bike?" I kept swearing, mostly angry at myself, for making a bad decision (possibly also at Vay for standing there like Cletus the slack jawed yokel), and angry that I'd lost control of Greeny for the second time. (Later on, Vay would remark how such a nice girl as myself could swear like a sailor, it's like two girls for the price of one). Luckily Greeny was alright though, no damage to her paintwork, or her wheels, thank god. Now we just had to catch up to Yara, who had no idea I'd just crashed and burned again. Which was just as well I suppose, he'd probably ask about the bike again. No, just the bike.

I wished we could linger longer in the peaceful surroundings, but we had places to go, things to do. Things seemed ok with Greeny, so we carried on, at one stage I couldn't believe I was riding past a temple I'd usually go to during Chinese New Year (why, I know that place! God I can't believe I've ridden all this way). We finally had a pit stop at KFC for a late lunch. (Anney: "But doesn't that defeat the purpose of riding all that way?") Well, I wasn't riding to exercise, god no, and you'd be amazed to know what carbs (bread roll, fries), protein (chicken), fatty acids (chicken skin) and even minerals (pepsi) you can get from just one KFC meal. Mmm - KFC.

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Skinner: Uh... oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. [rubs stomach] Mmm - steamed clams.

Sitting around, feeling full, it was all finally catching up to me. Vay finally dropped the bombshell about how much track we had cycled/glided/um, walked over, and I just didn't want to continue on. I was feeling more of the pinch, literally, in my hands and crotch, which were by that stage, throbbing with pain. I wanted to catch the bus home or something. That's right, I wanted to chicken out. "Well you can't stop now hun, how are you gonna get home?" Ugh. I didn't have a choice, I was FORCED to ride home. Well, back to Vay's place anyway, where we borrowed his brother's car to take me home, which was GOOD ENOUGH for me, damn it.

It was only while writing this post that I’d decided to look up the cycleway map, and I realised we’d done a great big fucking loop covering nearly 30km passing by or through at least 12 different suburbs. 30 Farkin Ks! (As Vay might call it, but EVEN THEN he's STILL insisting that's nothing, he just did 60 k's the other day without breaking a sweat - yeah, whatever hun). No wonder Vay didn’t want me to know where we going, and how long it would take. Yeah, not including taking breaks, it only took us oh, I don't know, 3 HOURS of non-stop biking action. Which doesn’t sound like much, but let's see you try riding with a sore crotch and thumb joints. Which are still sore to this day, but you don't hear me complaining about it.

Update 25 May 2010: We managed to get my brake levers adjusted to fit my hands better, and all it took was just a few quick turns of the allen key, even Vay was impressed. That's right, now they're fine-tuned hun, jealous? I haven't had a chance to test it out again, but I'm sure it's heaps better than it was when I was riding, and it won't stretch my tendons so much. I've even got my first cycling jersey to complete the look. All I have to do now, is wait for the next sunny day. God I'm a legend!

Linhy's Bike Riding Odyssey Begins

Last Sunday:

There I was, around Vay's place again. It had been a couple of weeks since the last ride I'd had, and I was already feeling a bit rusty. Ugh, never mind that. I was trying to get my bearings again, and that was about the time I thought I couldn't push off anymore, hence me looking up the sky for a little help, or SOMETHING. That, or the fact I was pissed off and frustrated that I wasn't getting said help. And it was unusually hot, and I'm wearing a long sleeve top for god's sake. That would put anyone off.

Anyway, I finally got it together though, as you can see here, n'hey. Yes, that's what I actually look like. Oh, you knew that already. Well fine. The point is, look at me, I'm riding a bike! Heh heh. Ah, I'm delirious with joy.

I still had to learn how to turn corners though, and it's not as easy as it looks. Vay decided to take me around the 'hood, where there were apparently dedicated bike tracks. First we stopped by at the local shops to have charcoal chicken and chips. I didn't know when I was going to come back. If at all. I couldn't even believe we rode all the way to shops. Just when I thought we were going to go back, I was forced to RIDE ON THE ROAD. Well, it was more like a street, but that shit was scary, son. It was scary! I barely dodged a stationary truck, for crying out loud. We finally managed to make our way to the bike track. There was a massive up hill slope I had to conquer, and I tried, but given the fact my current bike was a bit heavy and I was a bit lacking in the physical strength department, I was struggling, while Vay cruised over it like it was a mole hill. Ugh, god. The fun part was cruising down the hilly bits, and riding through the bike path, it was hard staying on the left, though. I was used to just having the whole pathway to myself, but now there were other people (walking and cycling) on the track that I had to get past without crashing into, and the bollards that I had to carefully get around. "This is nothing, hun." Vay kept boasting.

We ended up riding about 6 km all up, and it was a bit tiring, but exhilirating all the same. It was a perfect blue sky day, and the winding track made me feel like I was riding through the wilderness. But eventually the day had come to a close, and it was all over all too soon. For the next week or so, I found myself admiring people's bicycles, no, just the bicycles, thanks, no matter whether they were old or new, stationary, or moving. I was seeing them everywhere, as though I'd never noticed them before. A row of them at the station, or on the train, or at the traffic lights. I started doing my own research online, I had to wisen up if I was going to be serious about this. There were different types of bikes and all this other stuff to think about, what did I really want to do with my bike?

Little did I know, that was to be last time I'd be riding that bike...

Present day:

We made our way to a proper bike shop. I was feeling excited, but a little nervous. "I don't know about this, hun". We were browsing around for a while, kicking tyres and checking out the bikes we had researched. Originally I had planned upon getting a cruiser type of bike, which is good for short, leisurely rides, but I figured I wouldn't be able to catch up to Vay in that thing, and it felt a bit on the heavy side. Shame, it was a pretty thing though.

The second option was a hybrid. We were looking at the Cypress, which meant I could use it on both dirt tracks and on pavements and smooth roads. Vay seemed to be against hybrids for some reason. Seeing as we were going to stick to smooth roads and pavements, it didn't really seem necessary.

The last option was a road bike, which just so happens to be same model as Vay's. And, they just so happened to have a bike in stock, in my size, and it was the only one left. Why, how convenient. I was a bit worried about the narrower tyres, but they assured me it was fine, just a normal feature of road bikes. I could keep up with Vay at least. It looked like it was a nice bike to start with, which should last me ages, with good care. Besides, it was reasonably priced, and was a metallic light green colour. I think I'll call it...Greeny.

They made some adjustments and threw in the usual bonuses, and then she was all mine. Hee hee! I couldn't even wait to give Greeny a little ride as soon as we got out of the shop. The first thing I noticed was how light it felt, incredibly easy to pedal and even pushing off was easier. Not sure about the steering as yet, but I have a feeling it should be easy going. Hee hee, I kept thinking that I couldn't wait to take this baby for a real ride.

We got her home, and I was riding on the footpath past my house, (My dad: "Why'd you buy a bike for? "Vay bought it for me". "Oh well that's alright then") not even wearing a helmet (it was at Vay's place, and frankly, I didn't care), and one of the neighbours was yelling out, "Are you learning how to ride? Wear a helmet!" It seemed like everyone wanted to get involved.

But that's bike riding for you.

Look Ma, no hands!

Well, no, let's not get all excited and ahead of ourselves, but here's how it went down so far:

Day 1, ANZAC Day (official): I was feeling nervous, getting up at 8am, on Sunday morning. I had a big day ahead of me, and all I could think of was my fear of falling, or as it's technically called, stacking it. Badly. Vay drove me to the local community centre, where we had met a nice old gentleman, Doug, who vaguely reminded me of Santa Claus, a couple of weeks ago. We had a bit of a boozy night before at Cynthia's party, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I felt fine. Fit as a fiddle, I told myself. Why, I wasn't going to fall, Doug reassured me that he could teach me how to ride in about an hour. If I had normal reflexes. Which, I think I did. I mean, how bad could I be?

We turned up, it was 9am, but the gates were closed. "Just call his mobile", Vay insisted, rather annoyingly, I might add. I actually hated calling people's mobiles, but I was slightly worried (maybe even secretly hopeful?) that he'd forgotten, and that we could forget it and call the whole thing off. But no. He was on his way. No backing out now.

I wore my first training helmet, and stood watching Doug as he showed me how to mount the bike, and begin gliding, which is just like riding without your feet on the pedals, and just letting the bike carry you with its own momentum. Which works in THEORY. Doug was walking/jogging behind me as we made laps around the car park, and all I had to do was steer the handlebars. Sure it sounds EASY, but I hadn't touched a bike in over 20 years, and it was scary. As soon as we were going a bit faster, I would panic and would try to put one of my feet down to one side, and it would cause me to tip the balance, and the whole thing would fall to one side. Which was a pain in the ass. Because then we'd have to start again. From the top.

The point of the exercise was to get me to just learn how to balance on the bike. I was feeling bad about not getting the hang of it straight away. I thought it would be easy as pie, I'd seen people - old people even, like that guy with the motorised bicycle delivering catalogues - ride around on their bikes like it was the most natural thing to do for crying out loud, WHY COULDN'T I DO IT? Is there something wrong with me? Sure I was uncoordinated at the best of times, but surely I could ride a bike for god's sake.

I didn't want to disappoint Doug, but the strain was showing on his face. I was dreading he'd tell me, well, I've tried my best, but THERE'S NO HOPE FOR YOU. It had started raining, and I didn't think I had gotten very far, but at least I hadn't fallen over. Not bad for half an hour's work. We called it quits for the morning, and we retreated to the bike shed to pick out a practice bike for me. We got one for only $60, and it came with a brand new helmet. I thought it was too soon to get a bike for little old me, but Vay was saying, right, we're doing this again tomorrow till you get it right. Doug's wife was saying how there was an older lady who learnt just like that, she was a natural. She was her star pupil, she said. Ugh, which made me feel EVEN LAMER, but I'm sure she meant it as encouragement. Something to strive for. Hmm, yeah... right.

Later on that morning, we had a quick breakfast at McDonalds, apparently they don't make Big Breakfasts anymore. What?! "Geez hun, when was the last time you had McDonald's for breakfast?" When did they phase that out? And why wasn't I consulted? Anyway, I had to make do with one of them new Sausage and Egg McMuffin meals. Poppycock!

I spent the rest of the day hanging out with Anney, we watched How to Train your Dragon in 3D, but apparently Anney didn't think it warranted that much acclaim. In other words, she thought it was crap, let's face it. That's what you thought, wasn't it? I, for one, thought it was alright, and even I have a thing against animated movies, unless it was say, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Madagascar, Ice Age, or Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Really, I do.

Day 2, ANZAC Day public holiday (woo hoo, 3 day weekend): It was time for more practice, this time on my own bike, around the pathways around Vay's place. He was guiding me just like Doug did, while I struggled to stay afloat. I wasn't sure what I was doing, and I half expected him to yell at me, but he was surprisingly calm and patient. SURPRISINGLY, I can't stress that enough, people. The turning point was when we tried launching me from the top of the slightly descending pavement, so that I'd gather speed as I coasted down. And all at once, I was gliding, going at least a few metres! I had my hands above the brakes, just in case, but I was still stiff, but not as panicky as before. I screamed a bit - Vay: "You've got to stop screaming, just use your brakes, USE YOUR BRAKES!". I stacked it once, but I managed to sprawl myself across the grass on the side hands first. "There you go, your first fall, now you won't be so scared." Um, yeah... I kept asking Vay how I was, I'm balancing aren't I? Aren't I? I had no idea, but it felt better, going down that slope, it was all about the momentum, keeping that perpetual motion going. Yeah, whatever hun, just let me do this thing. We stopped after about an hour, it was getting dark, and my nether regions were fucking hurting cos my jeans kept jabbing into me, and I complained about this to Vay, but all he could say was to suck it up. (Later on, when he was trying on the bike, he did say, "yeah, it does hurt eh?" Well hun, suck it up).

Day 3, Saturday afternoon (after my chores): A week later, we gave it another go at his place, where we kept my bike. This time I came prepared, with my gym pants, and underneath I wore one of his special padded bike pants. Heh heh, it was like wearing nothing at all.

Today we were going to continue practising gliding down the path again. I could see myself improving, little by little, being able to glide further and further, if only by a few metres or so, but it was something, damn it.

"Why don't we try and just put our feet on the pedals? You know, just for fun", Vay's suggesting, well, pressuring more like it. I don't know about this hun. Isn't it too soon? I was nervous, we were already to the NEXT STAGE. This was further then I'd ever gone before. I didn't know if I was ready - the last thing I wanted to do was stuff it up. "Yeah, just rest your feet on the pedals, it's called cruising". Are you holding me hun? Hold me, damn it. Vay gave me a push off at the top of the sloping path. "Just let yourself glide down" he called, from what seemed far, far away. All of a sudden I was CRUISING with my feet on the pedals! "You're a fucking genius!" he called from somewhere behind me. I didn't know if he was praising me or himself, but it felt amazing! Man, I must've been going at least 5 km. Then I had to put on the brakes.

"Alright, now we're gonna try and get you to cycle your legs. It's alright, I'll hold the bike steady." Vay held the bike steady as we went up the path. It wasn't until we were at the top again, and we were ready to launch me down the slope again, this time, with me actually cycling the pedals. "That's it hun, you're getting the hang of it now", Vay was strangely calm, and focussed. My progress was in his interests, it seemed. Oh I see, you just want me to learn so I can join your bike gang don't you? Don't you?

So I'm going along, balancing myself pretty well, and the next thing I fucking knew, Vay gave one last push, like a mother giving birth, and then I was FUCKING FLYING SOLO! A million thoughts flew in my head: God, I can't believe he let me go! Oh my god, I can't believe I'm not falling over! Yes, each thought was punctuated by an exclamation mark, and the word God. NOT that he had anything to do with it, surely. "I can't wait for Doug to see me now!" I screamed at Vay, before casually putting on the brakes down the pathway. You just had to be there.

But that wasn't the end of it, no sirree. No, Vay wasn't done with me yet. He got on the bike, and showed me how to push off on my own. "See, this is how I learnt it, but don't you try and do what I do". Ok then. It seemed easy enough, why, you just lean on one side for support, while you push down on the right pedal to gain momentum, and start peddling away. Just like that. It's like nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all...

Well, I tried it, Vay was behind me for a bit, but it wasn't long before I stepped on the right pedal hard and launched myself, no help whatsoever. FUCK I was good! I peddled my little heart out all the way up the slope, and turned the baby around again to go all the way down, just for fun, while Vay looked on in bemusement. So this is what it feels like, I felt like I'd had my first orgasm and was now part of some secret society. I still had to learn how to turn and some other tricks of the trade, but at least I got the gist of it.

By George, I think she's got it! I could RIDE this thing BABY, I could ride it down to CHINATOWN! God it was the greatest feeling ever! The wind on my face, the unbearable lightness of being, all my troubles seemed so far away, there's nothing like it.

But how could I really describe this new found feeling of freedom, you ask? Why, my friend, it's like riding a bicycle... :)

Here's a little something that was um, cycling, through my mind as I wrote this piece: The Pushbike Song, by the Mixtures.