Segways at Newington Armory

Well well well. Look what the cat dragged in. Yes, it is I. This news, of which I'm about to divulge, is so super-fun-happy-slide exciting, I just couldn't wait to write about it. Well, I waited until after Masterchef, but that's a given.

As usual, let me talk it up and build up the suspense for you. It all started over a conversation with Anney, a couple of months or so ago that I mentioned that I've always wanted to experience a particular special ops vehicle. No, it's not what you're thinking, god no. Although, that really would be something. Anyway, so she took me at my word, being the best friend that she is, and the next thing I knew, I was all booked and ready to go. Just like that. I barely had to lift a finger. God if only all my wishes could come true so easily.

After doing a bit more research of what, how, when and where, we finally managed to meet each other at the food court. Trusting Anney with her wealth of knowledge, and knowing that she'd probably be the most prepared in a post-apocalyptic world, I just simply assumed she'd have the map and directions.

"My printer wasn't working, but I assumed you brought a copy" she admitted to me as I was having breakfast this morning. She didn't seemed too fussed though, strangely enough, which not only surprised me, but rather annoyed me a bit too. Well she should be worried. Like I was, damn it. You what? God, do you have any idea where we're going? "Of course I do, don't you trust me?" Well, yeah... but that wasn't the point. The point was, what were we going to do now? I tried remembering what the bus route numbers and the names of the streets were, but I was having a mind blank, and there was this growing black cloud of annoyance over me. Maybe we could find a library or net station and print off those directions!

But Anney wasn't having any of it, and she stuck religiously to her convictions. Ugh, though I couldn't help but secretly admire her for that. In the middle of my ranting, she dropped the A-Bomb. "Now I know how Vay feels like". And then it was like time stopped for a few seconds as the mushroom cloud hit me, but all I could come up with in retort was what the hell is that supposed to mean, Anney? (I was just too shocked and taken aback to think of a better comeback line). I thought that was a low blow, I mean really, was that really necessary? Still, I did admit later that there might have been a bit of truth to it. Yeah, I am known for my ever-so-slight possible over-reactions sometimes. And this is the only time I'll admit it, damn it. So lap it up. Ugh. God I feel dirty now.

Anyway, only afterwards she did she tell me that she'd actually written down some of the directions, so we had a clue after all. UGH (once more, with feeling). I think she just got a kick out of seeing me getting all worked up. Hmm, come to think of it, I've just realised Vay sadistically enjoys that particular pastime too, I wonder if that's a Scorpio trait. If it is, GOD it's annoying. Thankfully, by that stage I'd calmed down and we were both apologetic. Basically, we got over it. Alright fine, I got over it.

I had woken up that morning feeling all at once excited and strangely nervous. I didn't know how things were going to pan out today, but it was something to look forward to. Our appointment was for 2pm, and we first had to train it to Strathfield, or Stratty, as I like to call it.

Once at the station, the bus terminal was close enough, and we boarded. We were wary about where we were going, well at least I was. "Half the enjoyment is not knowing where you're going" Anney philosophised. Huh, I'd enjoy it half a lot more if I knew where we were going, I muttered, or something along those lines. Ha, take that Anney. Ah yes, we were like two peas in a pod. I got Anney to ask the bus driver if he knew which stop we had to get off at, while I, naturally, took the credit for that brilliant idea. Who knows where we could have ended up at. We even learnt that we could take the same bus directly to the Direct Factory Outlets for a spot of retail therapy, should we feel the need arise. Ha, I don't need a car at all. What do you think about that Vay?

Anyway, we got off about 15 minutes later and walked to the Newington Markets, a little shopping village, with its own Gloria Jeans and Woolies, so it was probably doing pretty well for itself, and killed a bit of time drinking C--O-- as we were about an hour and half early.

Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: “Beer?”
Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C -- O --
Bartender: B -- E --

It was a nice family-oriented site, with people sipping lattes, people on bicycles! (oh, how I wanted to ride one there and then) and toddlers playing with other people's dogs, it reminded me of what we had back around our area, only with a view of Acer Arena surrounded by blue skies, lush open fields and manicured landscaping in the distance. The lucky bastards.

After asking various locals (except for anyone we saw just coming from the direction of Silverwater Correctional Facility, no offense), we walked our way to the Armory. It was a bit of walk, I was glad I packed lightly for once. Poor Anney had to struggle with a backpack's worth of supplies, I warned her to go light, didn't I Anney? Heh heh. That's what happens.

Anyway, when we reach the area, I realised that I'd been in that area before, riding my bicycle around there, and I didn't even realise that was the Armory. It was behind the bike rentals, and we took a few photos while waiting for tour to start. Besides Anney and I, there was another family of 3, who consisted of a son about our age, I think and his father, and his aunty had come along for the ride. We signed a few waivers and watched the obligatory safety instructional video, and then put on our helmets and ventured out into, wait for it, WAIT FOR IT.....Segway territory. That's right, bet you didn't see that coming. Oh..you did.

Anyway, Segways baby! They reminded me of an electric scooter that kids ride, but with the much fatter, all-wheel-drive tires on either side of the standing platform (that's chassis, for the professionals). That, and the fact it was practically self-balancing. I was the second person to get on. The trick, you see, was to keep your feet close to the edge of the platform when stepping up slowly and make sure that the unit is in balanced mode (there is a pulsing indicator on the bottom). I have to admit I was a bit scared of moving my head around for some reason (I probably thought it would put me off balance or something) when I first got on, but as one of the other participants politely informed me, "You could turn your neck, you know". Fortunately though, our instructor, Menno (who's Dutch!) was quite helpful, and kind of funny, although he did bear an uncanny resemblance to my ex, Luis. Hmm, awkward.

Anyway, I couldn't let that distract me now. I had more pressing issues to attend to, including how to move forward (just lean closer to the handlebar and press forward slightly with your toes), and more importantly, how to stop (just straighten up and lean back a bit), and how to turn, which is just a matter of leaning to the side you want to go and gently moving the handlebars as you go. Everything is perfectly calibrated to your body's natural balance, so it's as if you're gliding over the ground like Monkey glides on his cloud. (I knew I should've got that series at Supernova!)

We practised in a small grassy area first to get our bearings on the machines. Surprisingly the trickiest part of the whole experience is actually just mounting and dismounting properly. Anney had leaned forward a little too much at first when she mounted and was propelled forward a little, but thank god Menno was there to stop her from speeding off uncontrollably into the horizon. Which would have been quite a story to tell, alas. Besides that, I was surprised at how quickly and easy it was for most of us to adjust ourselves to the dynamics. Yes, you read that right. Most of us. Well read on, I'm finally getting to the exceedingly good bits.

Once we were getting the hang of things, (we were only going 10km an hour at the time) Menno lead us to some dips in the grassy open fields, so we could practice moving our Segways in the dips and over the small hills. The small dips were fine, it was the bigger incline that tripped up one of the participants. Quite literally. Anyway, I was talking to the family's son, and the next thing I knew, there was a shout as we all turned around to find that his aunty had mis-stepped somehow (she took her foot off the standing platform for some reason, I heard later), and had crashed down the incline and was entangled with her Segway. Which, you'll be relieved to know, was fine. Luckily she managed to recover from the shock, and laughed it off when I told her that the first fall was always the hardest. Still, after that little episode, I was wary about trying the hill myself, but I still gave it go. Thankfully I didn't have anything to worry about as I turned out to be a natural. Yes, EVEN IF I do say so myself.

In fact we were all having so much fun by then that the family decided to extend their tour for another half an hour, so we all got to experience the Segway X2 Adventure Plus tour. Menno took us around to another side of the Armory. To be honest I didn't really care where we were, I just happy to just ride around aimlessly. I would've done donuts if given the chance. But no. We're all mature adults here, unfortunately.

We came to a couple of obstacle courses with little orange traffic cones that we could practice slaloming around, and Anney and I had our own little races to and fro. By this stage Menno had enough confidence in our abilities to raise the speed limiter to a whole 20 ks an hour, (via a wireless gadget hidden in the bag that none of us had thought to check, damn it) it was effortless and dare I say it, easier than riding a bicycle.

Homer (reclining in SpineMelter 2000): Give me full power!
Salesman: But sir...

Homer: Dammit, I said full power!

Although it does get tiring sometimes standing for long periods. We were pretty much left to our own devices for the next 45 minutes or so, and we raced off in various directions across the flat grassy plains. We even got Menno to film us using Anney's pocket video cam. (Reviewing the clip later we noticed that he seemed to focus the camera a bit more on me, heh heh. Oh don't be jealous hun, he was probably just impressed with my natural ability, like I said).

It wasn't as a smooth a ride for all of us though, as we had another little incident with the father of the family, who fell off when apparently the Segway lost power, or something along those lines. "You're next" I cheerfully quipped to their son, much to his amusement. God I'm a comedienne. The day was growing colder though, and it was time to return our rides back to the shed, sadly. I'll miss my Segway. Ever since I first saw them on tv, probably on Beyond 2000/Tomorrow (god I wish they'd bring that back) or something, I've always wanted to ride one. But if only they were more affordable, and street legal. It's a bit annoying that even now, 6 or 7 years later or something, they're still the price of a used car. What a rip!

Just when we thought that was the end of the incidents, another one happened as we were parking our Segways near the shed. The trick was to lean the Segway against something, preferably facing uphill, and then making sure you dismount evenly. The father of the family tried doing that, but the next thing you know, he was practically sent into some kind of tailspin as he must've accidentally pulled the handlebar to one side as he was dismounting and he was trying to stop it spinning around with him by gripping onto the handlebars, which only made things worse. Menno explained later that he should've released the handlebar and it would've righted itself. Hmm, who would've thought? Yeah, but I guess the natural reaction is to grip onto the thing for dear life. Maybe they should've included "What NOT to do with your Segway", or "What to do when Segways go wild" segments in the instructional video.

Anyway, I think I've ranted enough, and it's been about 2 weeks now since this all happened, and yeah, the natives, namely Anney, are getting restless. Even Vay wanted a sneak peek, and I wouldn't let him. But now I've bowed to pressure by my fans. Oh well, what can you do?